Is it possible to find yourself after you get lost... mothering and partnering?!
It was never mentioned to me that I would potentially lose myself along the way and I’m almost positive it happens to the best of us. I have to give hella kudos to Jada Pinkett-Smith and team for bringing such real and in-depth discussions to her Red Table Talks. I have had this conversation with a few of my girlfriends since the episode about loss and it’s shaking to me that we never really talked about it much prior to. It’s as if it’s just understood. That episode on loss touched my soul because I don’t think I ever really put the finger on that feeling that I have sometimes that usually ends with me asking myself questions in the mirror or in my head. (The episode is linked below if you haven't seen it.)
We moms, wives, and/or partners… well we sacrifice a lot and sometimes we do it unknowingly. I can honestly say I wouldn’t have it any other way, but I do think it has a tendency to be the source of source of stress, anxiety, or even mild depression for some. I know prior to becoming a bonus mom, having my first child, and getting married I was always on the go and there was never a dull moment. As a nurse, the work possibilities were and still are limitless. I worked when I wanted to when I was home and frequently traveled back and forth to California to work. I mean I’m the girl who hustled working countless day or night shifts and assignments in Cali to purchase my first home as a single woman right after my 24th birthday.
With that being said, I like to make decisions on my own (other than what I’m going to eat for dinner) and typically like to move and do things as I please. When you have children and make the decision to build a life with someone all of that goes out of the door! Now I do enjoy having someone else to cut the grass and partner with me to raise and instill values into our children, but SHEESH! No one tells you that as the woman and more of the nurturer in the relationship you will make sacrifices that don’t feel like sacrifices until you look up wonder where “you” went.
I’ve realized now that self care is one of THE BEST things you can do for yourself, along with adult time away from the nest with other adults you share commonalities with.
Last week I received call from a nursing agency I worked with many moons ago with an urgent need for Oncology nurses in California. As a work from home mom I was low-key excited to put my nursing hat back on get out and stretch my legs, until reality set in.
Will my children’s schedules be thrown off? Can hubby hold down the fort and keep my house in good working order while I’m away? Do I need to now prep meals in advance so they still eat well? I mean the list really goes on, but I went and reclaimed a little piece of myself I’d lost along the way. Did I miss the family for those 5 days – absolutely! Was it nice to get up and work, explore, and fill my cup (uninterrupted) each day and remind myself of the part of me that helped mold the adult I am today – without a doubt!
Balance is pretty much non-existent, and spreading yourself thin is certainly inevitable, but don’t forget to take a little time for you every once in a while if only to remind yourself that you are a BADASS!